Preposterous!

“1Completely unreasonable, especially in a way that is shocking or annoying. 2Unusual in a silly and shocking way.”

Who could give a better definition than the bank of words itself? The above comes from Oxford Advanced Learner’s Dictionary.

I chose to begin with the definition of the word so that as we progress in this article, you’ll realize that the little story I’m about to tell; the happenings, the systems and almost everyone in the situations being described below fits the above definition; well, if not to anyone else, at least to me.

I don’t really know whether to call this a mini-biography
, or my travails, or my lamentations, or any other noun or adjective that may correctly describe or portray what this piece shows, but I guess I should leave that to you my reader. Do you in any way come to terms with what I’m about to describe? Do they resonate with the facts, or are they merely unfound opinions? Well, then, I suppose I should spare the introductions and enter the meat of the matter.

HERE’S MY LITTLE STORY

My story; my experiences. When I secured admission into the University of Nigeria, quite unlike my fellow successful colleagues, I wasn’t very enthusiastic. I was convinced to apply to study Medical Laboratory Science. I had all the interests, aptitudes and inclinations to study Electrical or Electronic Engineering or both. It was clear to the ants walking across the streets. Mathematics was my hobby. I enjoyed opening up and trying to understand and fix all the electronic gadgets I found around me. In some cases, I did a good job, in other cases, I flopped, but in all, I enjoyed the experiences. I could fix minor electrical faults at home.

I constructed several miniature electronic devices, such as fans, torches, boats, cars, etc. it was my passion.

‘There are no jobs in that area!’ sounded the warning. ‘There are no jobs in Nigeria. If you go ahead to study engineering, you’ll get no job anywhere. Oil companies and big companies are out of the question. Without the right connections, you can’t get a job in a big company’.

‘You should venture into the Medical field. You could go for medicine and surgery, but you know, it’s difficult to secure admission to study medicine in any Nigerian university, so, you should go for Medical lab. Science. It’s a good course and the issue of joblessness is unlikely since even if you don’t get a job in a government or private establishment, you could open up you own little laboratory and be running tests and analyses. You could be making little money every day from there. But, you’re not being forced. You could go for any course you want, but don’t say you were not told’.

I was just 18 and was gullible. And though it was made to sound like a suggestion or an advice, it sounded more like a warning or a rule to me, after all, I knew little about how the world worked and my advisor knew quite a lot. She was my mother.

I was a good student, so, I didn’t find it difficult to switch. I didn’t like biology, but I passed the entrance examinations anyway and secured admission. That was 7 years ago and quite a lot has happened between when the news of my admission was broken to me and now.

Don’t fret. I won’t go into details. That would take tons of space and time and moreover, this is an article and the details are not really necessary- well, only the necessary details will be necessary.

My course was supposed to take 5 years, 2008-2013. Quite a good amount of time. There, of course, were other students and classmates of mine who felt fulfilled because they were in the course of their dreams. For me, I almost left in my 2nd year. I was the direct opposite of fulfilled. I talked to my mum. She’s a single parent. She knew me in and out. She knew I wasn’t happy in MLS. She knew my inclinations. I was a born engineer. I couldn’t cope. I wanted to write another UME exam and enter the course of my dreams. I was now 20 and I wanted my childhood passion materialized. She knew this, but we talked. She told me in a gentle way that a lot of resources has been put into this one. This is a great profession, she kept saying; with examples to prove it. I should manage and finish up; I wouldn’t even know when the time passed. She’ll surely support me in engineering afterwards. I didn’t have a lot of choices, so, I Ok’d the idea quite convinced that the time will pass as scheduled and I will meet my passion then.

SORRY TO BORE YOU…

Sorry. You’re busy and don’t have all the time in the world to read about my career choices and my other boring stories, but please bear with me. I needed a baseline with which to make the comparisons and the analyses that I need to make. I hope you follow me along.

Anyway, let’s not be all gloomy and negative. After I found out that I’ll be finishing MLS, I was like- what the heck? I can do this! First year was more like a continuation of O-level curriculum, so, I didn’t find it too challenging, though there were some new stuff here and there. The biology aspect sucked the most. I passed well nonetheless.

Then came 2nd year. Anatomy, Physiology, Biochemistry, Hmmm. I heard a lot of stories about these courses that naturally scared me, but I performed above average anyway. I resonated with physiology and I read it every time despite warnings that I should focus more on Anatomy which more students failed.

Physiology discussed happenings in the human body. I liked to know the way things worked, and the body was no exception. Just the same way I was excited when I worked with my screwdriver to find out how electronics worked, I was having a good time finding out how the body worked. ‘It isn’t that bad’, I said to myself time and again. Biochemistry came in also as a beloved course later in 3rd year. So anything that contained Physiology and Biochemistry, or at least described how something- anything- worked, I liked it.

Anything that described protocols and procedures, I didn’t like. Imagine how I felt when I realized that probably the whole of MLS is a collection of protocols, methods and procedures of running tests.

The first few times we came on clinical postings at UNTH, I liked the experience, but over time, everything was now routine and by nature I liked routine as much as a cat likes a dog. Anything routine or rote bored me to death. So, this is a confession. Throughout posting, I seldom touched anything. I just came to sign the attendance. I was comfortable knowing only the principles of the tests- how they worked and their significance (pathophysiology).

I kind of liked UNTH though, so, I decided if possible, to work there during my 1 year internship programme after school and probably afterwards on full time basis.

 

AFTER SCHOOL???

Yeah. I was supposed to graduate in 2013, five years after 2008. Five years indeed. It was a theoretical five years. First there was probably at least 4 months break due to UNN NUGA games and then came another break- ASUU strike: at least 2 major strikes of at least 4 months each during 2008-2013. We were in first year from 2008 to 2010. Though I hail the UNN Administration. They adjusted and readjusted the school time table and made it possible for 2008 set, our set, to graduate on schedule, that is, 2013. But that didn’t include us.

WHY???

We, MLS UNN, lost accreditation with the council of Med. Lab. Scientists of Nigeria. So, we were supposed to graduate in June, 2013, but by June, 2014, a whole year later, we were still frustrated. We still haven’t graduated. We weren’t graduates and we weren’t students. We were a laughing stock. We endured a lot of mess and mockery, but after a month, in July, 2014, we finally graduated and were licensed Intern Medical Laboratory Scientists.

The theoretical five years I had in mind back then in 2008 finally came to pass after six real time years. I wasn’t really excited to graduate. After all, I still have more years to really pursue my dream. I was comforted though when I learned how much we were now worth as health professionals, financially and otherwise. After all, during internship, I’ll probably be earning more than a whole lot of graduates. DID I JUST SAY INTERNSHIP???

You know, the word ‘internship’ now stirs a lot of emotions in me. Negative emotions- anger, frustration, disappointment, disgust, hopelessness and the like.

I made myself a valuable person while in school. In addition to the University degree I earned, I possessed a lot of skills that an average employer needs to grow his enterprise.

Why do I feel the above emotions when the word ‘internship’ comes up, you ask? A lot of reasons. Here’s one of them: today is 7th August, 2015, more than a year after our induction into the MLS profession and more than 2 years after I was supposed to graduate normally and I haven’t gotten internship placement.

I’ve been practically jobless for more than one year. How can you explain this? I cannot be an intern anywhere else but in a government institution- a teaching hospital or a federal medical center or an approved government health establishment. The government was to be my employer, but the government isn’t a single individual but a collection of different people managing the different health institutions that I applied to (and is still applying to) for internship.

Internship is a step that must be crossed for you to be a full professional. As it stands now, I cannot be regarded as a full professional until I complete internship and my permanent licence is given to me afterwards.


THE JOURNEYS AND THE TRAVAILS…

My travails- that’s what I was supposed to share with you right? My travails in looking for a job- a one year internship job. I’ll hardly call that a job.

From July 2014 till now, it’s been from one city to the other; from one disappointment to the other. Just one year ago, I was one of the most enthusiastic school leavers you could ever find. I was free from the claws of formal education, for a while. Now it’s time to prove my worth and how valuable I can be in the labour market.

I can show the world how versatile I was and how valuable I can make any enterprise within a short while. I could think, I could solve problems, I could manage things and people well, I could do stuff that more than 95% of people I found on a daily basis could not do. I had skills- good skills that made me an asset to my potential employer and the society at large…


BUT I WAS IN FOR A HUGE SHOCKER!!!

Calling what has happened so far a shocker would be like saying that a recent amputee just had a scratch. It was unbelievable to me. Really. I couldn’t imagine being jobless for a day. I couldn’t imagine I wouldn’t be needed by any employee anywhere in Nigeria, health institutions and otherwise. I’ve applied to about 7 federal health institutions in different states of the federation and have been turned down by all of them.


THE BIG QUESTION IS WHY???

That’s the logical question to ask. Why? I wasn’t dumb. I was one of the brightest students in my class and I attended one of the best schools in Nigeria. So, from where did the issue come from? I’ve asked this, and similar questions thousands of times, without finding a suitable answer but that something is not right somewhere.

As it stands, all I have on my hands not is time, so, it took some of it and thought very hard about the following points:



LESS SMART COLLEAGUES GETTING INTERNSHIP JOBS

I don’t want it to sound as if I’m blowing my own trumpet, but if there’s anything I know about me, it’s that I work hard- sometimes, real hard. While in school, I didn’t engage in a lot of extra-curricular activities. I was a triangular sort of guy: church, school, library or class, hostel, and so on. No romance, no parties, no associations, no politics, no picnics, no dinners, all to get a good degree in order to get a good job easier and more surely than those who waste their time in school.

What did all that get me? Just a big head full of books and no job. I’ve become a jobless smart guy. Pathetic for me. When I look at some other colleagues of mine who wouldn’t even find my trail if we were to stand side-by-side get internship jobs as easily as you could pick up your handkerchief from your pocket, it pains me. What then was the need of all the hard work if it can’t get me a common 12 months temporary job?

I succeeded in graduating with a 2nd class upper degree but I saw even third class graduates smiling at their names on the board as those selected for the programme. Where is it done please? Even in the interview exams, is it possible for a 3rd class graduate to out-perform a 2nd class upper graduate on 7 different occasions?

What then, I ask, was the need of all the disciplines; all the sleepless nights, all the tutorials, lectures, night classes and headaches from long hours of study without good rest. What was the need?

I’ve been watching my life wasting before my very eyes with little to do about it. All because the system failed me and thousands of others in my shoes. I was even more shocked on the occasions when I found out that some of my colleagues who haven’t even graduated yet due to references are happily enjoying internship jobs with faked certificates and licenses. Yeah, PREPOSTEROUS!

Of course, why would I blame those colleagues of mine who are happily working as interns and would also, in the same way, get permanent jobs afterwards? They pushed the right buttons. Buttons my hands couldn’t reach. Buttons that the system invented. Buttons that are illegal and criminal.

What buttons am I talking about. I’m sure you would recognize them if I mentioned them. Here’s one of them:


BRIBERY!

Yes, you heard me right. This is one of the buttons. I’ve also thought hard about this one. If hard work isn’t the key to success in the internship programme, then bribery is one good key that can unlock a good internship programme for you. It’s that simple. How did I know about this? Shouldn’t a thing as bribery be done in secret without anyone else knowing? Yeah! You can tell that to the Nigerian roadside policeman. Before you do that, however, I advise you to be prepared to waste a few hours of your time and a few thousands of your Naira if you don’t wish to sleep in a police cell that night.

We live in a decayed country. The whole systems are rotten, putrefied and gangrenous. Of course, no one can openly admit this. That would, you know, be ‘unpatriotic’, though it would be the closest thing to the truth.

I’ve been an unflinching optimist since I was born, but in this case, even optimism and faith is useless. Even the most skilled of surgeons cannot save a gangrenous tissue. That’s the kind of situation we are in Nigeria. It’s something every kid on the street knows. Bribery has not, never have been, and probably never will be a hidden thing. Your money down, you get your internship sharply. Easy as ABC.

We are to be paid on average, N100,000 monthly (way less than that in most institutions), but Chief Medical Directors and other top health people occupying strategic positions charge as much as N200,000 to give you a 1 year internship. Where you get the money from is your problem and in some cases, all your money buys you is a possibility of being taken.

Can’t the authorities do something, you ask? Good question. Which authorities, please? Those that do theirs on a much larger scale? It’s a situation of a black pot and a black kettle. No one can say anything to the other without risking their own necks. Everyone has a skeleton in their own cupboards. Those that are in position to change things need change themselves. You see why I said that it is a hopeless situation.

No one even talks about the criminal, religious and other ethical aspects of bribery anymore. It’s more like a norm around here. Your money, not your brains, gets you internship.


CONNECTIONS

Getting internship or even a permanent job isn’t even an issue for you if you are related in the remotest way to any of the top people. It’s sure for you. As long as you know the top guys in any way: politicians, CMD’s, top government officials, etc., your path was secured.

It never occurred to me that different rules apply in the labour market here in Nigeria. Who you know gets you internship more assuredly than how well you did in school or even in the internship exam.

With connections on the field, it’s no longer a level playing ground. Just try to imagine a tilted football field. The ball will always fall towards gravity, to one side and significant effort is needed to move it to the other side.

Being connected gives an unfair advantage. No matter how dumb you were or how poorly you performed on the internship exams, or in school, you got the job; no questions asked.

Then I ask my question again. What then is the use of hard work when you can more easily and more surely get internship with good connections? What’s the use?


THE MERIT/NON-MERIT ISSUE

Still on my thoughts. For most of the hospitals that advertise for internship, an interview examination is conducted and it is assumed that those who are granted the internship jobs are those who are the best performers in the exam. I’m sure you know by now that the above assertion is nothing but a load of gibberish.

More than 90% or more of interns do not in the slightest way merit their appointments. They get there through bribery and corruption and connections. I make my judgements based on visible evidence and observations.

Which brings me to the matter. Should the issue of merit or non-merit even arise at all? When you hear it being said, it sounds as if it makes any sense. Should anything else but merit determine who gets a job, including internship? See what I told you. That shows the level of moral decadence at play here. It’s really vexing. Teaching hospitals and federal medical centers take as much as 150 interns in a particular department and out of this number, not more than 5% in most cases, are taken on merit. The remaining 95% are, you know, from other means which you now know too well.

So, I ask again? What’s the use of hard work here if it only gets you just to pay the registration fees, apply, waste your precious time, efforts and resources, write the exam and be a statistic?

Here’s another of my thoughts.


SOME OF US WORKING AS INTERNS MORE THAN ONCE

The system had a loophole. It was possible for my colleagues to work as interns more than once without being discovered. Officially, we were allowed to work as interns in teaching hospitals or FMC’s or accredited hospitals only once. In other words, it was a criminal offense to work more than once as an intern.

But there was nothing in place to check some of us who would like to cheat the system and work as interns as many times as they wished. After all, the pay was good. They didn’t mind being called interns, or being stuck at a position for several years in a row.

They didn’t mind making life difficult and frustrating for some of us who were praying and hoping for just one chance- just one opportunity.

Greed. That’s what has eaten them up. They have been overcome by greed and selfishness. Illicit desire for money, unquenchable thirst for mammon. In all the internship exams I wrote, I saw thousands of my colleagues, and out of all of the people I saw, there were people I was sure had been interns at one point or the other in other teaching hospitals or who were currently working as interns but wished to work in a place with higher pay. Greed at work.

When I first saw these people, I was shocked, though I did not show it openly.

What the heck is going on? Do these guys know what the implications of their action is? They are literally blocking the way for other upcoming graduates. I thought about it and concluded that they knew exactly what they were doing, but they didn’t care. Others can go to hell, after all they are not the only ones doing it. All they cared about was their pockets and their bank accounts.

Who is to blame? My colleagues or the system who though they know about this, does nothing to put these atrocious acts to a stop.

That reminds me. The system. Isn’t there anything the system can do to even prevent all these? Don’t they give these things considerations and thoughts in their meetings? Can’t they do anything to make these internship travails non-existent? Or aren’t we part of their agenda?

By definition, an intern is supposed to consolidate, in practical terms, all his theoretical knowledge from school. An intern is still a learner. Internship is a compulsory and necessary prerequisite for full qualification as a professional. It isn’t optional or negotiable. Successful internship is necessary for you to qualify to practice your profession, for all health professionals.

Can’t anything be done by the system to ease, or even eliminate the travails that graduates face in seeking for internship? Can’t they post us to different health institutions the same way the National Youth Service programme does? Can’t they direct all teaching hospitals to absorb all their graduates as interns year after year?

I’m sure they can. But I suppose my ideas are not implementable. Why? You ask? Really?

OK. Let’s do a little analysis. Let’s say a minimum of 100 interns per department multiplied by between N100,000 to N200,000 or more in bribes, multiplied by 6 or more different departments.

Come on guys, do the math. If it were you in charge, would you approve of any other method of doing the thing apart from the status quo? When the status quo rakes in tens of millions of effortless naira into your bank account every year, why should you move to change it for a few thousand ‘unfortunate’ graduates who cannot afford to bribe you or do not have the connections to get the job? Just being the CMD or a top guy in a government health institution, in addition to all the other bribes and corrupt financial practices you orchestrate, you make that much money from interns alone. It’s literally manna from heaven.

Believe me if I tell you this. Nothing will change from those guys.

Now this next point pisses me off so much.



INTERNSHIP EXAMS

This one pricks like a needle. Seriously. I wrote close to 70 different exams while in school, set and graded by tough lecturers and professors with years and decades of academic experience and training, in the best universities in the nation and beyond, and out of these courses, more than 65% of them, I scored either an A or a B. Out of the remaining 35%, 28% were C’s. That’s about 93% of all the courses I wrote in the University of Nigeria: A, B or C.

That was me as an undergraduate. But guess what? These guys at the teaching hospitals made me look as if I was a dumb-ass. And after all those rejections, I began to feel same too.

But come to think of it, of all the internship exams I wrote in all the hospitals I were, none of them were half as tough as the cheapest clinical chemistry exam I wrote while in school of which I mostly made A’s and B’s. So, what’s going on here? Did I fail all those exams in the hospitals, set and conducted by lab scientists who are not as much experienced in academics as my lecturers and professors in school? Or is something else at play here? I’m sure you now know the answer to that.

Let’s analyse a little bit, the internship exam we wrote at the hospital I would have very much loved to work as an intern and as a staff. That’s the teaching hospital that also bears my University’s name.

The registration process was quite straightforward. Submit your documents and application with a thousand naira to the hospital and wait for details. I did that with high hopes. Finally, my goal will be fulfilled. After several weeks came the invitation to write the interview exam. Of course, I studied my eyes out. I didn’t want to take any chances. I was hoping to be among those to be selected. There were more than a thousand of us for less than 150 spots.

So I was working for a 15% chance. If you consider the 5% merit to be taken from the 150, I was working for 5% of 15%. That’s about 0.333% chance. And this is the best case scenario.

Anyway, the day came and there were lots of stresses, struggles, disorientations and disorganizations, but of course, those weren’t really strange if you’ve lived in Nigeria. If you’ve been a student in a Nigerian university especially UNN, it was a norm to be frustrated by administrations.

There were 8 multiple-choice questions. It was strange. That was where I smelt a rat. How can a thousand people be judged and selected based on 8 questions alone? It appeared that the exams were a mere formality.

Then came the so-called oral interview. It was almost laughable. Here’s how it was done. Close to two-hundred students are ushered into a room and a question is thrown. Anyone who knows the answer is to stand up and provide it. If your answer was correct, you got 10 points in addition to whatever you got in the written exam. If you failed, you lost 10 points from what you’ve already made.


THEN CAME MY ‘PREPOSTEROUS’ STORY

Here’s how it happened. After several batches went in for the ‘oral interview’, I gathered up courage and moved in with the next batch. Whatever that will happen will happen. I was the last person to be ushered in with my batch. Hearts were pounding and palms were sweating. Who knows what question will be asked?

I was already prepared to flop. I knew close to nothing about sports, current affairs and politics which were the predominant questions being asked to other batches including other departments.

We were asked to raise up both our hands like we were surrendering. This was to prevent us from checking answers from our smartphones. If you knew the answer to a question, you were to stand up and answer while still raising your hands. If you got it correctly, you were awarded 10 points in addition to the score you made in the ‘exam’. If you failed, 10 points will be deducted from the score.

Now came the question: ‘What is the meaning of the word ‘PRE-POS-TER-OUS’?’ That was how the consultant mentioned it. Slowly. He asked again.

My heartbeat accelerated 10 times further. Did I know the word? Are you kidding me? I knew that word as easily as you would know your first name. I’ve encountered in dozens of times on the tons of stuff that I’ve read and listened to over the years, newspapers, novels, internet articles, magazines, radio programmes, TV programmes, podcasts, internet videos, you name it. Reading and writing were my hobbies. I’ve even probably used the word in several articles that I’ve written.

But answering this question was a herculean task. It was a different situation. It wasn’t like your friend asking you the meaning of something. It was like a gun was placed on your head and you were being asked the name of the president of Nigeria. The correct answer frees you while the wrong answer ends you. Can you imagine that scenario for a moment? Believe me, if you’re placed at such a spot, you’ll have a hard time figuring out if the elections have been conducted or not, and who won it, and what name he bears. If you’ve ever been at a game show or something similar, you can come to terms with me. What you know can grow wings and fly out of your perplexed brain. That was the situation I was in at that moment.

I wanted to stand, but it was as if I was being glued back to the sit by an invisible glue. My hands were still raised. What if I fail? Can I risk minus ten percent? What if the meaning of the word changed last night? Questions like this and a thousand more were popping inside my head.

“This is your dream!” screamed a voice inside me. You know this word, but fear is holding you back. The probability that someone else here knows the word out of the 200 of you is high. Go for it. If you lose, so what? Better try and lose than not trying at all.

About five seconds have passed so far. It’s amazing how much your brain can process in a short while under a tight situation. Loads of adrenaline was being pushed into my blood.

Someone was about standing up. That was then the glue on my seat gave up to my will power. I stood up like a soldier and was easily noticed because I was tall and well built. The guy with the mic was about going to the other guy who was about standing erect, but due to the speed and confidence at which I stood, and due to the fact that the other guy was still contemplating going for it due to the fact that he wasn’t standing properly, the mic guy walked down to me and handed it over.

Preposterous, preposterous, preposterous… I still remember very vividly the things I said that day. There were a lot of emotions: fear, apprehension, and adrenaline surges that the whole event was etched permanently in my hippocampus.

I blurted out with a shaky voice: ‘When something is preposterous, it is ridiculous. It is absurd. It defies logic and common sense. It doesn’t just make sense.’ That was all I said. There was a brief pause as the consultant who asked the question was probably processing my reply. I didn’t want him to find any flaws in my definition if there was any. So, I said again, more confidently, having found my voice.

‘When something is said to be preposterous, it is absurd and ridiculous. It is illogical and completely unreasonable.’

The consultant waited for like 3 seconds and started applauding. He had heard enough. I smiled. I heard a few more claps both from my 199 colleagues and the panel of consultants on the high table. This is it! I said in my mind. It’s a miracle. I have achieved my goal of getting an internship job in my dream health institution. I was asked my name and serial number which I provided- twice. No chances to be taken. It was recorded and we were asked to leave for the next batch to come in.

I became an instant celebrity of some sort. My colleagues began congratulating me. Congratulations and handshakes and smiles came pouring in, even from strangers. ‘That was great of you’, ‘you got the word 100%, congrats’, ‘you are already employed, congrats’, ‘you are very lucky’, and so on.
 

Some even started interviewing me. ‘How did I come to know the word?’ I felt important. I was smiling from ear to ear while telling my experience with reading books and the rest. If I had won a million dollars, I wouldn’t have been more happy and confident. When we were walking down to get transport home, someone even shouted from a commercial motorcycle, ‘Preposterous!’ I waved back smiling. I didn’t mind being called that. I was now a confirmed intern of UNTH…

Or so I thought…


PREPOSTEROUS INDEED!!!We had the interview, first week of March. My hopes were through the roof. My confidence was infectious. There was delay in releasing the list of successful interns, of which I didn’t doubt the fact that my name will be tops on the list.

It was around 2nd week of April that the list finally came out. 101 names, and guess what? Yeah, you guessed right, the preposterous’ guy’s name was ABSENT. Was I hallucinating? It wasn’t possible. My name had to be on that list. I checked the list form a copy posted online. I wasn’t in Enugu, so, in addition, I called a minimum of 3 different people to go check on my behalf. It isn’t there… it’s not there… I didn’t find your name… came the 3 replies.

I was devastated. Could this be happening? I felt the direct opposite of what I felt on the interview day. If I had lost a million dollars, I wouldn’t have been more shocked. What kind of country is this? What kind of place is this? I lamented and lamented. It was useless meeting the hospital administration. Your name is absent means your name is absent. Another list can’t be published because of you, even if you were the president’s son. I was heartbroken.

I was at Nnewi: spent thousands of naira on registration, feeding and logistics. I was at Uyo: spent thousands of naira on transport, feeding, logistics and the rest. I had to stay in Uyo, at a friend’s place, for like four nights waiting and hoping. UUTH (their teaching hospital) was another place I would have liked to work, but my name wasn’t even shortlisted for the oral interview. Then came UNTH: I spent thousands of naira on registration, transport, feeding and logistics. The exam took a whole day.  A whole day of stress and struggle. Then it was FETHA, two days after UNTH. Thousands of naira spent on transport, feeding and logistics. Then came FMC Owerri. In my own state of origin. Due to my level of preparation for the internship exam in Owerri, I was the first to finish out of hundreds of other colleagues. I finished and went through my work more than once and submitted. I was at National Orthopaedic Hospital Enugu, thousands of naira wasted on feeding, transport and logistics including waste of time and endangering of life in public transport. What was the result? Waste. Waste of financial resources as well. ALL WASTE…

And these were just the financial resources spent- no, wasted. How about precious irretrievable time? How about all the stresses and efforts taken in these journeys and travails coupled with all the risks involved- accidents and armed robbery and what-have-you? And this is just me. I’m sure some of my colleagues have experienced much worse.

I seriously didn’t expect all these. There was, of course, no way for me to prove that I was qualified to get the job in any of the health institutions that I applied to. No one would listen to me, and my lawyer sister once told me that the law says something that sounded like: you can’t force an employer to give you a job in his establishment. My name was absent means I didn’t satisfy their ‘requirements’ and that was final.

Had I known, I would have gone for NYSC first. Had I known I wouldn’t have put much faith and hope in a putrefied system. A year and counting of my life, lost forever. What a shame.

King Solomon from the Bible was right when he said this: ‘The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry and the skilful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated do not always lead successful lives. It is all decided by chance, by being in the right place at the right time’.

A great piece from a wise man. I now came to understand all the possible meanings of ‘being in the right place at the right time’. It, of course, included pressing the right buttons, bribing the right people and having the right connections.


DO I REGRET ANYTHING NOW?

That’s a dicey question. I’ve had more than enough time to think and think and think. I probably should have stuck to my guns and went ahead to study the course of my dreams. Due to my commitment to Mathematics, Engineering and Physics, I probably would have been the best graduating student and the issue of joblessness would have likely been unlikely.

Do I regret coming into the health sector? Not really. Human medicine is interesting. I’m even thinking of furthering and getting a degree in Medicine, specialist courses, as well as other medical and health degrees such as Pharmacology, Enzymology, Biochemistry, Physiology, Molecular Biology, etc. It’s really interesting here though I didn’t find it so at first. I now want to know as much as can be known, and even more, about the human body, how it works, how it can be influenced and of course, how its dysfunctions can by fixed.

And guess what? If I had gone ahead to pursue my childhood passion, I would have devoted 100% of my life to it. I wouldn’t give chance to anything else. I would live and breathe Engineering. I wouldn’t be interested in knowing about anything else. While I was a Medical Laboratory Science student. I wouldn’t, for weeks in a row, read anything academic. I would attend lectures, practicals and postings all right, but that would be the end. I would read books, write articles and learn how to write better, lead people, teach seminars and make talks, learn new languages, pursue public speaking, learn and practise health and fitness exercises, learn how to type, learn how to fix software issues in computers, learn mobile phone software issues, learn leadership and human relations, learn about meditation, relaxation and hypnosis, learn about entrepreneurship and business, learn about creativity, intelligence, innovation and problem solving, learn about learning, learn about academic excellence, learn how to organize events and meetings, learn how to set goals and achieve them, learn how to plan, learn how to be a better person… It’s an almost endless list of all that I devoted my time to learning.

Several weeks to exams, I would halt and focus on my books 2-4-7 till exams were over. Then I would continue on my quests for knowledge. Still I didn’t do poorly, because in general, I loved learning. I now came to love medicine.

So, I do not regret coming in here because I probably wouldn’t have discovered all that I could learn, know and become if I didn’t. The society demands dynamic individuals and I’m happy I’m training myself to become one. Of course, I’m still interested in loosing and trying to understand and fix electronic gadgets. It’s my hobby from childhood and cannot be extinguished by decades of medicine or medical laboratory science, though now, I may not venture into it on a professional basis anymore.

I still don’t like the part of MLS that involves routine and boring tests. Doing the same things over and over. Looking into microscopes and counting blood cells every day, centrifuging samples, autoclaving media, mixing the same chemicals with human sample every single day, waiting minutes to hours to days to weeks for incubations to complete. Those stuff bore me to death. I’m not criticizing these things, people have to do them, but those people aren’t, and will not be me.

Gladly, there are areas of MLS that involves research. Finding out new stuff about the body and the world. Knowing how and why things are the way they are and making attempts to change and influence the nature of things. Those stuff interest me. Of course, they may involve doing the above items, but this time around, it’s for a purpose, there’s a goal in mind, a research question to be answered. So, on the long run, I like MLS; I like Medicine and health; I like having the privilege of trying to solve a health problem; of saving lives in some way.

As for internship, it’s a pity that I’ve gotten what I did not expect. I was indeed hit below the belt. If someone, maybe an older colleague, had given me even a remote five-minute orientation, I probably wouldn’t have been here. Though I was a never-say-die optimist, I would have believed him after the first few rejections. I would have done what I could, in my own way, to salvage the situation before it got this bad.


THAT’S MY LITTLE STORY

Preposterous… my little story. Sorry I led you to believe it was a little story, but really, if you were in my mind, you’ll call this narration a highly abridged version of the happenings.

I’ve lost a significant lot of my optimisms in life; but not all of it. I know that this situation isn’t permanent. No situation but death, is permanent. This is the bottom of the sea. When you hit bottom, the only place left to go is up. Things will change for the better soon. I’ll get an internship job, but probably somewhere I would not compromise to do so. The situation here is unsalvageable.

Am I going to apply for, and write other internship exams? Of course I will. But I’ll keep asking myself this rhetoric question. What’s the need to prepare for, and fight a battle in which you lose even before you draw your sword?


DID I WRITE THIS LONG IN ORDER TO GET YOUR SYMPATHY???

In as much as sympathies are soothing to the nerves and may alleviate sour feelings for a while, they are only useful for a wound that is still sore. Mine isn’t. It has healed with a large scar tissue. A scar tissue of forever lost time, hopes, resources, efforts and optimisms to tell the tale. So, sympathies aren’t really useful to me now.

Did I write this so that some authority can read it and hopefully do something positive about it? If you have followed me carefully over the course of this article, you already know the answer to the above question.

Did I write this so that some of my greedy and selfish colleagues can change their ways and do their internship programme only once? Well, if they happen to come across this write up, I doubt if they will read up to a few pages of it. And of course, you know that they’ll do nothing to change their ways; I can assure you that. As long as the loophole in the system still exists, they will work as interns for as many years as their greed can carry, and you know that that will be much.

Did I write this for all the bribery, corruptions, illegalities and connections to come to an end? Come on. I’m flattered. Threats of imprisonment, fines, public disgrace, being fired, God’s wrath and the fires of burning hell can’t even make these guys bat an eyelid about their doings. What makes you think a ‘mere’ article from an unfortunate and embittered graduate will lead to any change?

If you make any reports, you cannot prove it. There’s really no way for you to prove that you passed an internship interview and someone else didn’t, but got in through corrupt practices. So, it’s a dead end. There’s really no light at the end of the tunnel because the tunnel probably has no end.

Did I write this for students not to work hard anymore seeing that in the real world, their hard work won’t even matter in the slightest bit? Of course not. I believe strongly that every hard and honest work will eventually be rewarded. Though it may tarry and though it may appear that evil is prevailing, truth will always stand out. Honesty will always win. Hard work will always prevail.

If I were to be a student again, I would even work twice as hard as I worked during my undergraduate years. I don’t regret hard work. Only a fool would. The end will eventually prove everything right. Good overcomes evil- every time, in due course.

Did I write this to make a vent for my overflowing bottled up emotions? Probably

I’ll spare you the suspense and tell you specifically why I wrote this. I wanted you to read it. That’s why I wrote it. I wanted as many people as possible to know about the appalling happenings going on in the health sector- in the internship area. Perhaps, just perhaps, it may make some of those top guys have a little change of heart not because they are finally realizing the evil in what they do, but because they may be in trouble and wish to save their necks if their deeds are known by a significant number of people.

I wrote this so that some young, optimistic school leaver would read and take caution. He should know what to expect from the world. He should know that here, in Nigeria, different rules apply. He shouldn’t faint, but he shouldn’t allow his time and life to be waste either waiting years for internship that is not forthcoming.

He shouldn’t compromise. Though it’s proven to get quicker and more reliable results, he shouldn’t do it. Though he may feel wronged, cheated and short-changed, he should only do what’s right. Though he may go scot free if he joins them in their crimes, he shouldn’t join.

He should think about his conscience. He should think about the future; he should think about his values; he should think about his country; he should think about God. Nothing of worth can be built on a foundation of corruption. He should think about this. He should realize that good deeds and bad deeds will ultimately be rewarded, both here on earth and beyond.

He should realize that what goes around comes around. We will always reap what we sow no matter the time it takes to do so. If evil seeds are planted, in due time, they will eventually germinate and produce fruits, and no evil seed will produce good fruit.

He shouldn’t budge. He should focus on himself. He should focus on developing himself. If possible, he should leave for a more enlightened part of the country; or of the world where his peculiarity, his skills, his hard work and his efforts will be rewarded. Where there is a level playing ground.

He should always keep his hopes high. He should always have other people and their interests at the back of his mind. He should eschew greed, selfishness and illicit desire for money.

He should always uphold the values of integrity, honesty and righteousness. He should not give in to wrong doing in any form, no matter the temptation he has to do so. He should keep the faith. Faith in himself. Faith that he can influence the world for good, though it proves that the society has failed him.

That is why I wrote this. For the young school leaver being frustrated by the unnecessary hurdles of internship and joblessness.

I’ve written for so long. This has won the record for my longest single article. My thumb is hurting. I guess I should stop here. That’s my story, friend. Thank you for reading it all.

Really.
Thank you.


You may doubt some of the facts I made, but you can do the least of checking them out for yourself. In fact, some of what I wrote, I made to sound mild. If you’ve really been in my shoes, you’ll understand that the situation is pathetic, lugubrious, saddening, vexing, disappointing, and of course, preposterous!